Talking about having a miscarriage can be excruciating. Opening up and telling someone you lost a baby isn't an easy thing to do, and much of that has to do with the responses that many women face when they do try to open up. Many people will try to be comforting and to say the right thing, but sometimes the right thing doesn't come out the way it's intended.

So here's a short list of things never to say to a woman who has suffered a pregnancy loss. Some of these might sound obvious but believe me, they will have been said either to me or to other women I know who have been in the same awful situation. 

1. Maybe you shouldn't or should have... Don't go there. Chances are the person is already blaming themselves for one reason or another - I blamed myself for a long time because I got excited and bought a babygrow at seven weeks. Reinforcing those thoughts is dangerous. 
2. Well, it was only early days, wasn't it? Yikes. Yes, it may have been a first-trimester loss, but from the moment most women find out they're pregnant, they begin to plan and see themselves as a mother. 
3. I've heard a lot of women miscarry. Have you? So have I. Unfortunately, that fact doesn't help because nobody wants to be a member of the 1 in 4 club and other experiences don't help heal the pain of our own. 
4. At least you know you can get pregnant. No. Hard no on this one. You don't know how many times someone has been pregnant, if they needed IVF to get to where they were, if they have underlying health conditions that make conceiving a child incredibly difficult. Just don't go there.
5. You'll be a mum one day. Nope. I get why this sounds reassuring, but women who have miscarried are still mothers. They just never got the chance to hold their babies.
6. It wasn't meant to be. Don't say this. Because for the parents, it was meant to be. 
7. God wanted them back. Did He? Well, He should have waited. Because in the majority of cases, nobody wanted that baby more than the parents themselves.
8. You're not upset, are you? Holy shit. I had this one said to me and I almost throttled the person who said it. A woman might not seem upset as grieving a miscarriage, especially an early one, can be incredibly complex but you have no idea what's going on behind the eyes. 
9. At least you already have children. This is usually said to couples who already have a child, and is incredibly insensitive. It implies that the baby they lost is somehow worth less to them than their living children. 
10. Have you considered adopting/IVF/surrogacy? Unless you know the person is happy to discuss this, this is private information and shouldn't be suggested. And even if you do think they'd be happy to talk about it, tread very carefully. It can leave women feeling like they don't have a chance to have a healthy pregnancy.
11. Are you trying again yet/already? This can be said in two ways, and neither is pleasant. The first implies a 'well, what are you waiting for?' attitude while the latter is loaded with judgment like you haven't grieved for long enough. Keep your questions about a couple's sex life to yourself, okay?